I’m back! It’s been a(long)while, I know. I’ve probably attempted to revive my blog at least 5 times (probably more) since the start of time when I had my first blogspot account. I decided that now would be a good time for me to start writing again, with this exciting new change in my life – with so many things going on physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I thought it’d be good to actually document things down. It’s likely that I’m just going to be swept up in a flurry of activity once baby is born, but perhaps taking some time to slow down now and reflect might be a good practice to keep me sane once life changes entirely?
First thoughts – I was, and AM excited. So, so excited! I’ve always envisioned myself as a mother. It was my top career choice (HAHA, yes the hubs knows). But it’s always been the one thing that funnily, unlike my usual carefree nature, has been something that I’ve held a lot of apprehension about. Not apprehension about being a mother, but about how good a mother I would be. Yeah, thinking really far, even when I was nowhere close to it. Before we got pregnant, I was skeptical about how long it would take for us to conceive. My periods are really irregular which made it impossible to predict when my ovulation was, so I constantly reminded myself, and hubs, that we just had to take it easy and “see how things go”. We were very blessed. I’ve heard people trying for a year, even more, with no success and having to go for fertility treatments, which to be honest I was not quite keen on. Thankfully, we were actually quite the average! It was after about 6 months of trying when we found out that we were pregnant! I don’t know whether my tears of joy were for my excitement that we were going to have a baby, or out of relief that I was “normal” (haha probably both).
Pregnancy has been quite a ride so far though, I must say! It was really nothing like what I’d expected. I mean, I knew of people having morning sickness and tiredness, but really, I always thought that the hard work only started when baby is born. Which is probably true. But pregnancy sure is a good way to prep for that next 20 years of my life haha. The first trimester was way more difficult than I imagined it to be. For sure, some people have it easier than others. Mine was definitely not the worst for sure. But from being someone who was constantly on the go and always busy doing something, I found myself suddenly incapable of doing anything besides spending my life in a horizontal position. Thank God for the Covid-19 circuit breaker period – I can’t imagine how I would’ve survived running between studios during that period! It was really quite a revelation for me though: slowing down. Prior to this, the first month of circuit breaker was a really busy period for me, transiting into taking my Pilates classes virtually. Once the pregnancy tiredness hit though, it was something that I never experienced before. I was forced to slow down. I was forced to do nothing. I was forced to just rest and let things be. And guess what? I realised that so many of the things I was busying myself with really didn’t need to be dealt with right now, and simply taking the time to do those things, or simply relinquishing them from my to-do list really didn’t make much of a dent on my life. Wow. It was the beginning of the realisation that having a baby means following baby’s pace of life, and seeing things from their perspective. I never thought that would start from pregnancy. It has been a good lesson though.
Pregnancy also surfaced a worrisome side of me that I never knew I had. Haha. I’ve always been a relaxed, mostly worry-free person. I don’t even worry about myself! And yet, before even meeting this little human being, before seeing any visible changes to my body, or feeling his/her movements, I already want only the best for this baby. And not knowing what is going on inside really drives me nuts sometimes!!! I look forward to every single gynae visit because we get to see the little one on the ultrasound and be reassured by the doctor that baby is growing well. The 3-4 weeks in between are always periods of “are you okay in there?”, “please grow well okay”, “are you getting enough to eat even though mummy can’t eat any food?”. I can’t imagine how some people can go for months without seeing their baby on the ultrasound or even seeing their doctor! I’m probably obsessive. Haha. Or maybe it’s because it’s my first baby. But anyway, having a baby has made me so much more conscious of watching out for dangers around me, especially when crossing the road (no thanks to Hi Bye, Mama). With this Covid-19 that the world is battling, I’m not worried for myself because I’m pretty sure I’ll recover from it just fine, but I just pray that I don’t get the virus because I have no idea how it’ll affect the baby. Oh, and there’s dengue too. Gosh. On the other hand, it’s just an incredible feeling though. While I have absolutely no clue what is going inside me, I’m already in love with this little baby of mine.
So many things swirling through my mind! I should probably stop here for now. But come back and visit soon! I hope I’ll be disciplined enough to keep this page updated at least all the way till baby is here hehe.
Also, I’m really hoping to connect with fellow mummies out there! Oh I probably forgot to mention, being a first-time mom, I’m completely LOST (don’t even get me started on the shopping list) and would be happy to get some pointers haha. I’m also teaching Pre-natal Pilates and would love to meet more mummies through my classes! Feel free to drop me a mail if you would like to have a chat and find out more. See you soon!